AN: Ahahaha...sorry for the long wait, folks! See, the reason it takes me so long to update my fics is that I just don't update ONE fic in ONE chapter, I update MANY fics in at least two chapters a piece. So...yeah... and then there's the stuff of writer's block, too little time, blah, blah, blah, blah. You get the picture: right?

ANYHOO....this chapter is pretty much revolved around Aoshi and his feelings about Misao. Just a warning ^^

Chapter Twelve ~ Torn

A soft knock came at the door, startling Aoshi out of his own nightmare. He brushed back his dark bangs out his eyes only to see them fall back into its original place. Swinging his feet off the bed, he took in another deep breath to regain his composure as another knock came.

Who would be coming at this time? he asked himself even though he knew the answer. There was only one person who would hesitantly knock that way. Her.

"Come in, Misao," he tiredly said.

Misao hesitantly opened the door with her free hand as she carefully carried the tray in. She put on her best smile as she entered, something that came naturally to her in an awkward situation. Her mind was telling herself to be rational; Aoshi would eventually explain to her his past. Her heart, her very soul, however, was demanding the exact opposite. She desperately wanted to know Aoshi as a person, not as the former okashira of the Oniwanbanshuu that she had always known.

"Konnichiwa, Aoshi-sama!" she greeted him in a cheerful voice, setting the tray down on a nearby table. "I came by to bring your medicine!"

Aoshi eyed the young woman curiously, always surprised at her optimistic attitude. His eyes slowly strayed away from her face to..."other" features in which he quickly looked away at the window before she could notice. What am I thinking?

"Medicine?" he asked her in his usual monotonous voice.

Misao paused for a second as she was about to pour the hot water into the medicinal herbs. He doesn't remember what happened?

"..Hai. You had a fever because of your, um, injuries," she slowly replied. "Ling-san said that you started getting the first signs of infection and kept you in bed. She said that this medicine was for you."

"Her name isn't Ling," Aoshi murmured.

Misao lifted her head up in surprise. She wasn't expecting to hear a reply from him. "Nani?"

Aoshi mentally cursed to himself for he didn't mean to have his thoughts be heard. He replied in a harsher tone than he had expected, "Nothing, Misao."

Misao gently set the teapot back in its place. "Sou ka..."

Aoshi inwardly winced at the sudden change in her voice, still staring out the window and admiring the scenery outside. He heard her set the teapot down and slide the tray off from the table.

"I'm...going to leave the medicine on the table," Misao hesitantly replied. Like it's not obvious, she berated herself. "Anno...remember to take it, Aoshi-sama, okay?"

"Aa."

Inwardly sighing in defeat, Misao quickly left his room and closed the door behind her. As soon as she was in her own room, her legs gave out and she sank to the floor, the tears finally falling.

Meanwhile, in solitude, Aoshi heaved out a deep sigh, rubbing the side of his temples as the last few days came rushing back to him. Too many things were coming all at once and too many emotions that he kept hidden from the others were exploding in his head so much that he couldn't take it anymore. He kept telling himself that he didn't deserve Misao, that she was safer without his interference. The dreams, no the nightmares of her lifeless body in her own pool of blood were too frightening for him to bear. He couldn't involve her in his past. He just couldn't.

<Temple>

Ikumi watched her husband and daughter from a distance, not wanting to interrupt the father-daughter moment. She was so glad that Setsuko had her father's easygoing personality and was able to accept her father. But then again she knew that Setsuko accepted Ryu so easily was due to the fact that she had kept on telling the little girl that her daddy was on a long trip, not wanting to tell her that he had died. Yet he didn't die. A soft smile spread across her lips as she continued to watch.

"She's much the chatterbox," a familiar voice commented behind her. "Reminds me of how you were before that happened."

"That" meant Ikumi's own sense of hell three years before. She turned around, meeting her master's amiable blue eyes.

"I still talk a lot," Ikumi retorted as she turned back to her original position. "I just only talk when I want to now."

"Hmm...so now I see why your brother is so quiet," Ling murmured as she too joined her former student in the watch.

"Wow, I didn't know that he stood out so much."

"I can tell from his eyes the suffering he has gone through," Ling explained. "Such a burden for someone so young."

Ikumi suppressed a giggle. "'Young'? Sensei, he's nearly thirty years old."

"You told me that he was okashira, right?" Ling asked in order to prove her point. "Thirty is young for someone to be okashira who has over twelve years experience."

Ikumi shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so.." She finally took her eyes off of her family to look at Ling. "How is he, by the way?"

"From the last time I checked on him, sound asleep," Ling answered with a smile. "I asked the students to train elsewhere, which is why it's so empty here. Don't worry, he'll be fine." A pause and she broke eye contact, her smile fading. "He reminds me of your father."

Ikumi arched a curious eyebrow. It was the first time in twelve years that she had heard her master speak of her own past. "Sensei, you knew my father?"

"...Somewhat," Ling replied after some thought. "I used to be a member of the Oniwanbanshuu before I came here. Such a shy man he was."

"Did you...know my mother?" Ikumi hesitantly asked. When she immediately got no reply, she looked back at her family. "Gomen nasai, I don't mean to be nosy. It's just that I don't remember my parents well and aniki rarely told me bout them because he doesn't want to remember hearing their deaths."

"Your mother...was very kind," Ling replied. "She and your father loved the both of your dearly."

A slight imbalance of equality on the mountain caught both women's eye. Ryu had also noticed this as well and called Setsuko to come closer to the temple and play as he partially hid his face from the disappearing ninja.

"They're already here," Ikumi murmured.

"Hmm...they like to follow your brother around," Ling commented sarcastically as she got up from her seat. "I'm going to call the students back and train here again. You three go get lunch."

<Aoshi's room>

Aoshi lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling in boredom. He drank his medicine as he was instructed to but that was all of his daily activities. He had tried to meditate, but it wasn't working and after a few attempts gave up in frustration. Shinomori Aoshi rarely showed emotion to others, but he broke away those barriers when he was alone. He wondered to himself why Misao hadn't come back and was tempted to find her room and actually speak to her. Yet that meant getting up and changing into the clothes that he had brought with him and walking through the complicated hallways of the school with his kodaichi in hand, and he was to lazy to do all that. So Aoshi just sat and waited, letting his thoughts and memories take over.

Why did he say that Ikumi's master's real name was not Ling? Was it because the woman reminded him so much of their mother? And why was he becoming so weak? Was it the poison in his body or something else? With these thoughts in mind, Aoshi closed his eyes and sighed, letting the flashbacks of his nightmares return. He tried to figure out the meaning of the nightmare for they had been reoccurring ever since Ikumi had returned. Did they mean something to him?

Did Misao mean something to him? Anything at all?

He knew the young woman too well. She had tried her hardest to open his heart and yet he pushed her away. He didn't deserve her after what he had done. He couldn't get her involved in more than what she had been the past few days. He knew from the day those ninja had burst in that they belonged to the Azuma. He could not let Misao get involved with his mistakes yet part of him said that she had the right to know. Or did she?

Did he have the right to ruin her life?

AN: *dun dun dun* Yeah, yeah, kinda weird, I know. I'm trying, though! I desperately am! Please R&R, it lets me know what you guys think! ^^