Disclaimer:
I own nothing, not even the name Ayanami, except for the plot. (Plot? *looks around* There's a plot? I didn't see a plot? You've gotta be kidding, there's no plot here!)

Authoress Note: Mwahahaha...Ayanami has a Muse!! And it's mine!! All Mine!! Well...Ayanami shares with Ayame!

Warning: Authoress Insertion...Well, not really...it's about me, so I'm not inserting me...but whatever!! Ayame-chan's in it too!

Note: *...* denotes action.

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The Perfect Muse

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*Ayanami stares at computer.*

*Ayanami stares at computer.*

*Ayanami stares at computer.*

*Ayanami begins to type.*

*Ayanami reads what she just typed.*

*Ayanami screams.*

Ayanami: NOOOO!!! That won't work! It doesn't fit! I can't think of anything! How am I suppose to work like this?!? ARGH!!!

*Ayanami breaks a vase.*

*Ayanami breaks a table.*

*Ayanami breaks her brother.*

Ayanami: *blinks* Uh-oh.

*Ayanami sweeps him under the carpet.*

Ayanami: OK! All better! Now, I've got to get back to work...How can I write with no inspiration.

*Ayame-chan appears in a purple cloud of smoke*

Ayame: *wheeze, cough, wheeze* I really have to do some*cough*thing about that smoke... *cough, wheeze, cough*

*Ayanami turns on fan, and smoke clears.*

Ayame: Thanks! Now, you needed help with something?

Ayanami: Yeah. Writers Block. It's driving me nuts.

Ayame: You are nuts.

Ayanami: No, I mean really nuts.

Ayame: You are really nuts.

Ayanami: No, I mean I just broke a vase, the table, and my brother. I can't write anything!!

Ayame: Oh, I know what you mean! That happened to me last week, Mom really wasn't happy when I broke my brother!

Ayanami: Well, my Mom won't be as mad, I have two others!

Ayame: Lucky! Well, back to your problem...your Muse is gone!

Ayanami: Muse?

Ayame: You know, that thing that gives you inspiration. Everyone has one, but some people never use them.

Ayanami: Like my math teacher?

Ayame: Yep! Exactly!

Ayanami: So...what's wrong with it?

Ayame: Your muse isn't here...s/he must taking a break somewhere! You have to keep those things on a short leash, else they get into all kinds of trouble.

Ayanami: OK! How do I do that? Keeping the spirits of Inspiration nearby can't be that easy.

Ayame: Well, It's not that hard, you just have to do three things. 1) Find it. 2) Give it a physical body, and 3) Name it!

Ayanami: Ah. It's kind of obvious why I need to find it, but why a name and physical body?

Ayame: Well, you give it a name so you can call it something else when you get tired of calling it "Muse", "Hey, you", or "Kisama". And giving it a physical body gives you the power to Whack it, Thwack it, and otherwise cause it pain when it doesn't listen to you!

Ayanami: Cool!! Lets go find it...where would a Muse of mine hide???

*Ayanami and Ayame leave Ayanami's house, and set out into the California spring. It's sunny and hot out. Ayanami packs a backpack with money, food, several prospective bodies for the muse, sun screen, and an umbrella.*

Readers: Umbrella??

Ayanami: This is California!! The weather is whacked! If it sunny in the morning, it's be overcast in the afternoon! A little while, before 3rd period was sunny and way too hot! After 3rd period it was raining cats and dogs!

Readers: Riiiiiight...

Ayanami: Really!! It's like that over here!!

*Ayame nods, then drags Ayanami along*

Ayame: They'll never believe you, come on, I think your Muse might be at the beach!

Ayanami: The beach? I've lived less than a mile from the beach my whole life, and I can count the times I've been there on one hand!

Ayame: Exactly! You never go there! Your muse knows that! He's trying to hide from you remember?

Ayanami: Oh, right! Well, let's go!

*Ayanami and Ayame get on bikes and ride to the beach.*

Ayanami: Now, how are we suppose to find him?

Ayame: Well, the muse is a part of you, where would you go if you were here at the bea-- Hey, where are you going?!?

*Ayanami walks zombie-like to the hot dog stand*

Ayame: Shoulda guessed!

Ayanami: Two foot-long hot dogs, with everything except mustard, please. *hands the man money, and devours the food placed before her* Yummy...

Ayame: *points at the barbecue going on across the street* Look! There is it!!

Ayanami: Huh? Where?! How can you see it?!?

Ayame: Oh, I have these special glasses..take a look! *hands special muse-spotting glasses to Ayanami*

Ayanami: *puts them on* Oh! I see it!! *gasp* Oh no! It's going after those ribs! No way, those are MY ribs!!

*Ayanami runs across the street and tackles the muse*

*Tourists give odd looks to the girl who is wrestling the air. California natives assume she's shooting in a movie, and her opponent will be digitally added later. They ignore her.*

Ayanami: *grabs something from her bag, and forces the muse into it.* Gotcha!! Now you've got a body!! Mwahahaha!!!

Ayame: *walks over, and picks up the muse. There is a look of desperation in it's eyes.* Sorry, can't help you, you belong to her.

Muse: *screams* NOOOOO!!!!!! Why me?! WHY ME!?!?!

*Tourists give odd looks to the little stuffed cat who is wailing like it's the end of the world. California natives assume it's a robot, that's a part of the movie. One guy makes a note to see that movie when it comes out. The others ignore it.*

Ayanami: *gets up and claims the muse* Mwhahahaha!! Mine!!! All Mine!! Now, all I have to do is name you!!

Ayame: So what's his name?

Ayanami: *evil glint forms in eye* Hmm...remember when we watched all of season one of Fushigi Yuugi together, nonstop.

*Ayame nods*

Ayanami: Remember what I told you I'd name a cat if my Dad ever let me get one.

*Ayame nods*

Ayanami: Well, he's not a real cat, be he's got a cat's body!

*Ayame nods, understanding dawning*

Ayanami: Muse, I name you TAMA-NEKO!!!! *cackles evilly*

*Look of horror appears on the muse's face*

Tama-neko: NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Tourists give a lot more odd looks to group. California natives assume its the end of the movie, and lighting, the climatic music, etc will be added later. The man who wanted to see it before changed his mind, now that he knew how it ended. The others ignore it.*

*Ayanami shoves the still screaming cat into her backpack, and she and Ayame get on their bikes and go back to Ayanami's house.*

Ayanami: *places Tama-neko in a cage by her computer.* Now I can get back to work!

Ayame: My work here is done. Just...can I borrow your muse every once in a while. Sometimes mine gets all worn out.

Ayanami: OK! *turns around and begins to type furiously* See you later!!

Ayame: Bye!! *disappears in a cloud of purple smoke*

Ayanami: *cough, wheeze, turns on fan!* Dammit! I really gotta help her with that smoke thing! *smoke clears, and she goes back to work*

Tama-neko: *still in cage* Why me? Oh, any Gods that may exist, help me! I did nothing to deserve this cruel punishment! Why do I get stuck with the freakish 15-year-old nutcase! Why?! Why!

Ayanami: *whacks him* You call me a freakish 15-year-old nutcase like it's a bad thing!! You think I'm bad!? You haven't even met my Mommie yet!! (See A Normal Life for details) *she goes back to work*

Tama-neko: *mutters* Why me, oh Gods, why me?

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MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Tama-neko is mine!! All Mine!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

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-Ayanami_Chan
ayanami_rei@softhome.net